Seeking Eternity
by pumpkinpinecone
Summary: She's invested three years in a relationship, only to watch it fail before her eyes. Now, finally determined to go out and write her story, Rikku sets off on a journey she would have never expected to find herself in circumstances she never expected to happen and relationships she never expected to make.
1. Stagnate

Stagnate

* * *

The combination of a long day and a glass and a half of wine strengthens gravity's pull against my eyelids. I try in vain to blink but each time I close my eyes the sweet siren that is sleep beckons me further into her dark, warm depths with a soothing song of sweet slumber. But, I fight against her by contorting my body against the chair supporting me. I have to stay awake… at least until Gippal comes home, I'm so tired now that trying to yell at him for being late most likely would result in me passing out on the floor with my half glass of wine still in my hand. But, I'm rambling. The fact of the matter is, he is really late- after promising me he'd be thirty minutes early- and I'm tired.

What time is it? My eyes sluggishly search the room, landing on a painful bright blue light in the corner. My CommSphere showcases the time with mocking greatness: _10:34 p.m._

The bittersweet liquid in my mouth lurches forward touching the back of my lips and threatening to break the dam. Coughing the drink back, I gape at my Commsphere. He promised… he promised!

The scent of burnt food interrupts my thoughts and my eyes rip away from the time and narrow on the cooker. I had set the dinner back over the range after deciding he would be late tonight, and let the flames keep the food warm… more or less to prove that I put more effort into us than he does. But now the flames over did its task, charring the tender skin of the meat leaving the meal insensitive and hardened. I poked the meal and groaned. Dismayed, I picked up the plate of ruined food and dumped it into the flames, watching the fire engulf the remains in a triumphant blaze and then settling into a satisfied glow. I gulp down my wine, mesmerized by watching the crescendo and decrescendo of flames off the empty glass held so thoughtfully in my hand.

How much I wish I were those flames.

* * *

I don't know when I fell asleep, but the sudden comfort of two strong arms wrapping around and raising me out of the stiff chair gently rouse me out of slumber's hold. I must have visibly stirred because Gippal's voice, husky, rough, and spiked with the scent of alcohol, calms my mind back in to the fuzzy darkness. His journey across the room is short and not long after picking me up does he stop, shifts my weight and then deposits me under the fluffy duvet on our bed. The rustle of clothes falling to the floor pulls me from sleep's grasp again, and this time I open my eyes trying to sort out through my fuzzy vision and the dark room to find him. Instead, my sleep impaired eyes find the piercing blue light of my CommSphere.

_1:45 a.m. _

I'm too tired to be mad. The only thing I could do is close my eyes and let the looming despair wait until the morning. The only thing I can focus on this the sweet blackness overtaking my eyelids and cooing me to sleep. The added warmth of my bed partner curling up beside me sways me faster into dreamland. His arms wrap around me and his hands gently stroke exposed skin. Warm breath caresses my neck and the steady movement of his body breathing against mine softly croons my body in to a stupor.

Yeah, this could be handled tomorrow.

* * *

I wanted to be the first one to wake up. I wanted to look over his sleeping form while I made coffee and breakfast and search for traces as to where he was last night. I wanted to strike his conscience with honey and milk pleasantness and thus make him feel guilty for leaving me alone last night. But that meanie-head woke up way before I did, greeting me with coffee, eggs, and a detached attitude.

"Mornin'," He utters over the newscast on his CommSphere, no doubt he's checking on the dispatched members of the Machine Faction. I nodded in his direction and he said something about the coffee. I hastily pour myself a cup and plop down next to him at the breakfast table, placing my CommSphere on the table, flipping through random newscasts with indifference.

"Where were you last night?" I test, sipping my coffee. Gippal shoots me an odd look, placing his own cup on the table.

"Stuff came up at work." He mumbles, focusing his attention back on the screen.

"Oh?" I inquire, confidently placing my coffee down, "Like what?"

He frowns at me, eye fixing on mine "Just stuff, Rikku. Nothing to worry yourself over,"

"You said you'd be home by seven!" The words spew out of my mouth. Oh crap. The look of Gippal's face makes my insides shake with anger, his calm and cool exterior morphs into a slightly defeated, dejected sigh.

"…Sorry." He says after a painful silence, his hands retreat to his sides. "Rikku, really, I'm sorry."

I feel my eyes roll up to the ceiling and I lift myself up from the chair. "You always say sorry," I say, "Always." He doesn't move his attention averts back to the screen. I glare at him and he squints at the screen harder.

"_Why did you smell like liquor last night?"_ The question remains on the tip of my tongue, begging to come out. But instead I sip my drink, my eyes never leaving his outline. He snorts, but doesn't respond to my accusation.

We finish our coffee in silence.

* * *

He leaves me with a mechanical kiss on the forehead. Promising he'd try to be back early and wishing me a good day. I barely listen to him but the words are already engraved into my memory. I nod, smile, and wish him a good day. My hand finds its way to support my head, watching him fade from eyesight. I should've pressed further; I should have asked demanded that he answer my question. I should have thrown a fit last night when I figured out what time he came in. I exhale these wishes and regrets away.

When did I become this passive? That's a difficult question to answer. Somewhere in between the continuation of the Eternal Calm and now, my spunkiness eroded in to diffidence. Where did it start? I've spent plenty of nights going over my life, trying to figure it out myself.

Gippal and I graduated from adolescence before most teenagers started to see zits on their faces. I was fifteen, trying to protect my cousin from imminent death and he was 16 running into death at full force. Then Yuna defeated Sin, lost the love of her life and there just wasn't a need for crusaders or special ops squads and the world divided itself into factions. Gippal became the leader of the Machine Faction, instilling pride into the Al Bhed people and I went off with Yunie and ultimately I helped her defend the world against a threat that was almost as big as Sin. She got Tidus back, and Spira settled into peaceful governance. After that, my life settled into a routine of repairing machina across Spira and helping out wherever needed me, and sometimes going to Djose to work for Gippal when he was short-staffed. I was never intimidated by his status as head of the Machine Faction, always holding my own whenever he'd call me "Cid's girl" or tease me. The rest was history, we started dating and after six months of laughing and chemistry so instant and natural, we moved in together. We kept a steady relationship, I moved in with him at his home in Djose and he put up with me decorating his place with bright orange pillows and stuffed moogles. I would snuggle against him when I had nightmares and we would laugh out loud in the most public places. Our friends desired a relationship as carefree and as happy as ours. Our play arguments, our inside jokes, our intimate lives. Everything was just…simple.

Then things got complicated… he started working more hours, all of Spira demanded the latest and greatest machines from Djose. My work grew slightly, but mostly Pops and Brother took care of the repairs. Pops thought that Gippal and I should work on our maturing relationship and lightened my workload to idleness. I spent more time at home, and he spent more time away. A rift formed. Now, he came home in the wee hours of the morning and I drank myself to sleep when the nightmares came.

I tried to leave for a while, spending some days with Yunie and Paine. But Yunie had her life with Tidus and Paine turned into Nooj's right hand woman. They had their own happy lives and mine just stalled. I came back to the comfort of stagnation, only because I had nothing else to do. I doubted Gippal even noticed my unhappiness, even if it spilled over in to all aspects of our life. Maybe we just grew up too fast? Maybe we took our relationship too serious? Who knows? The fact of the matter is Gippal and I… "Rippal" (The Faction's nickname, not mine) is nothing but cinders now.

A steadying sigh prevented tears from springing in to my eyes. I flip idly through the address book of my Commsphere. I didn't want to lay the burden of my problems on anyone; Yunie is probably walking along the shores of Besaid with Tidus, Paine's probably at a meeting with Nooj, Brother… no, just no, and Pops would refuse to believe that there is anything wrong between Gippal and me. Besides, calling one of them would result in one million questions concerning my "drastic" change in personality. Okay, maybe I am slightly more unenthusiastic than I used to be… but isn't that a part of growing up?

I stand up, I need something to do. I can't think about this anymore. I search around the room, desperate for anything that could elude my thoughts from my waning relationship.

* * *

Creating distractions from my whirlwind thoughts was much easier said than done. My attention jumped from reading one of the many pamphlets and directions on different pieces of equipment around the house, to cleaning up the place (Ha!), and finally in one drastic attempt to relieve my mind of stress, assembling random pieces of machinery, creating some sort of cube like thing.

"Rikku," Gippal's voice breaks through my trance of work, "Rikku, are you in here?"

"Right here," I answer, lifting my eye goggles, "What's up?"

"What are you doing?" He wonders, looking over the cube-like thing in my hands.

"Oh, I got bored so I thought I'd combined random parts together and create something."  
"Any luck?"

"Paperweight!" I toss the thing to his confused hands. He nervously chuckles at me. Something's up, I peer at him.

"So…" I glance at him and then around the room, trying to find a conversation starter, "You're home early"

"Yeah, trying to keep my promises."

"Oh?" The question anticipates in the air "This is new."

He grins at me, ruffles my hair then he pauses as if to say something, I study him for a moment. Back in the olden days, Gippal coming home early caused a night long marathon of intimacy. Now, he looks at me awkwardly, his mouth pressed into a tight line and then he walks away, mentioning something about him making dinner later. I sigh watching him exit the room, letting the small wave of happiness recede back to the ocean of my dejection and go back to working on the paperweight.

Pressure surrounds my left bicep and turns me around. Gippal's distinct scent of oil and soap fill my nose and his lips touch mine. Body heat surrounds me and warms my soul, he parts my lips, I feel my arms wrap around his necks and he lifts me up. He leads me back into memories so old yet so fresh, memories of wild and fun nights, of chemistry filled love. That night, I didn't fight sleep; I welcomed it with the hopes of reliving this night in my dreams.

* * *

I wake in an empty bed, my arms wrapped tightly around one of Gippal's pillows. The only pieces of evidence from last night even happening were the rumpled and ragged sheets and my obviousness. I looked over at my ever so handy Commsphere; its bright blue light boldly displays the time: _9:30 a.m._

I wonder if he even kissed me goodbye.

* * *

_A/N: Excuse me for all of the page breaks and moodiness! I haven't dabbled in fanfiction in forever and this story has been dancing around my mind since the summer. Please review! _


	2. Smokescreen

Smokescreen

The café complements the bustling city. Bright acoustic music calms the electric air and sunlight bounces off the yellow walls. A young hostess greets me with a bright smile and leads me to a table in the corner of the restaurant. I feel my grin crack my face, "Yunie!"

Her arms pull me in to a sweet squeeze and her floral scent ignites five year old memories and a small feeling of comfort. She holds me at arm's length, surveying me "You are far too thin," her nose crinkles.

I brush the statement off "You look positively radiant!" I wasn't lying; a rosy glow highlights her adorable round face. She offers a cautious smile. After a quick moment of her explaining how hectic her visit to Luca has been, the waiter comes and takes our orders.

"You really didn't have to come all the way out to Luca," Yuna finishes her story "I have missed you dearly, but I didn't want you take time out of your busy day!"

"Busy day? Psh," I wave off "I haven't had a busy day in nine months."

"Oh?" Her eyebrow perks "Work busy or…other types of busy?"  
My cousin recently developed a _very_messed up sense of humor, "Yunie!"

Yuna snickers behind a water stained napkin, eyes alight. "Oh come on, Rikku! You think it's funny too!" She teases and I give in to my own glee, hiding my face behind my hands.

"Where did this naughty Yunie come from?" I laugh; she shrugs.

The waiter returns with small dishes, taken aback by the hysterical laughter bouncing off Yunie and me.

"D-does everything look all right?" He stutters.

Yunie confirms this question with enthusiasm. She takes the time to make sure her pretty eyes hold the waiter's gaze, it wasn't anything flirtatious, that's just how Yunie operates. It took every fiber of my being to not to smirk at the sweat beading on the poor server's forehead. He shuffles away and confused giggles erupt out of my cousin's mouth. Always the showstopper, Yuna is.

"Oh, you heartbreaker." She giggles at my statement, glancing down at the Zanarkand emblem adorning her chest.

If the Eternal Calm proved beneficial for anyone, it'd be Yunie. Over the course of adjusting to a more serene world, my cousin went from a willingly compliant follower of the shadiest organization known to Spira to a headstrong activist in relearning Spira's past and promoting further education among the population… to avoid previous situations. This interest in the overall well-being of Spira came recently; after Tidus' return, Yuna had the intentions of living a modest life in Besaid.

Somewhere, somehow (If I recall correctly it's because she now lives with such a passionate person) Yuna started to really care about the people of Spira and their understanding of why the recent past happened and where this knowledge could propel the world. And it's not like Yunie wasn't already the most influential person in all of Spira. Her plans to organize an education system beyond basic reading, writing and math skills are proving successful; she's opened up a chain of small schools in each populated area of Spira.

I don't know how easy that mission is, I know that she travels a lot. But that isn't an issue for her and Tidus because his budding career as a member of the Besaid Aurochs causes him to be away from the peaceful isle during a huge portion the year. Yunie once confided to me that the travelling makes the time they spend together that more special (As if their relationship wasn't special enough).

All of this leads to now. After waking up in purple and red sheets alone and completely vulnerable, a commsphere call from my dear cousin lifted my spirits. She told me that she would be in Luca for the week and if I wanted to meet up for lunch soon. Without thinking I got dressed and started my way to Luca in less than five minutes.

"So, Rikku." Yunie begins "How have you been? I feel like I'm hogging all the attention here."

"Yunie, you're the celebrity," I stir my drink with a straw.

"That doesn't mean anything, Rikku!" She defends "I've missed you terribly. I never get to hear from you."

"Everything's fine." My gaze avoids hers.

"Well, of course everything's fine! How are_ you_?" She aims for scrutiny.

"I…" Insecurity rings through my voice. I've never been a great liar, especially when asked a personal question by someone who means a lot to me. "… I've been better."

"Did I wake you up this morning?" She probes. I didn't have to look at her to know that her head is tilted forward and her hands rest at the table's sides. I didn't want to answer, for it could give away my façade, instead I shake my head and shuffle my food around the plate.

"No, Yunie." I push my plate away.

She throws her napkin down and motions for our waiter. I pull out my own stash to pay but Yunie beats me to it by throwing down an obscene amount of gil. We walk out the café, everyone's eyes on Yuna and her denim shorts.

"Our waiter wasn't that good." I mutter.

"Yeah, but I wasn't going to do anything with it. Call it charity work." She jokes.

* * *

She leads me down a familiar path to Luca's harbor. With each step the air gets cleaner and cleaner. Such a different feeling from the normal dry air scented with grease of Djose.

"Is everything all right between you and Gippal?" Yuna sits on the edge of the wall guarding the populace from falling into the sea below, her gaze is beyond but her voice is sincere. I join her.

"Why wouldn't it be?" Loss hinders my voice.

"I haven't heard from you in forever," Yunie restates "You're awfully thin and this morning you sounded like you were about to cry. What's really going on? I mean, Tidus even said yesterday that he missed you." _What was that supposed to mean?_

"Yeah, well, we can't be all happy and sunshine like you." Poop, that wasn't supposed to come out seething, I feel myself shrink when I saw how hard Yunie's face fell.

"I… I didn't mean it like that." She hesitates, "I'm worried about you."  
_Why haven't you checked up on me sooner?_

Am I sounding like a brat? I feel like I am. Who am I to rip Yunie away from new found confidence and happiness?

"Look, I didn't mean it like that."

"No, it's ok." Yunie's self-sacrificing comes out at full force. "I shouldn't have pried into it."

Don't get me wrong, I really love her. I do. But sometimes I wonder if this innocent lamb act is all a ruse. Not even thirty minutes ago she was laughing and flirting with a waiter, now she's giving me her doe-eyed look, making her look like the victim here. I exhale. "Yunie…"

"Yes?" She perks up, she knows me well enough to know it's confession time.

"I'm… I'm just frustrated!" The words suspend in the air.

"Frustrated?" Her eyebrow perks and her hands find her hips. "Frustrated about what?"

"Gippal and I both have been really frustrated!" I gasp, my words flying out faster than the Celsius. "Because, we're…we're… we're…" we're ending, we're extinguishing, our story is over, but we're both too whatever to admit it…

"Rikku," Yuna places her hand and my shoulder, stopping my pacing.

"We're trying to conceive."

It comes out like a squeak. I don't know why I said it, but I stand stunned.

Yuna completely buys it.

"Ohmigod!" She claps a hand over her mouth and does this weird squat motion. Then both hands come around her mouth and she repeats her exclamations.

"Ohmigod! Ohmigod! Ohmigod!" She twirls around. Oh poop, we're drawing a crowd.

"Really?" She exclaims her eyes ablaze. If I talk anymore, I'll give myself away. I offer a very weak smile. Her arms wrap around my neck and moisture grazes my face.

"I'm so happy for you." She whispers, her eyes glistening.

"Have you been to a fertility doctor?" She inquires. I can't speak, I only shake my head.

"What? Rikku! The only reason you haven't conceived yet is because you don't know your ovulation days!"

"My ovulation…what?"

Yunie sighs at me, "Rikku… how long have you been trying?"  
"… Nine months."

Her grin assures me that she's answering all of her questions incorrectly.

* * *

If I really was trying to get pregnant, I sure as heck wouldn't tell Yunie in person. When we arrive at my hovercraft, she holds me into a rib cracking hug stifling that place where the womb should be.

"Yunie…"

"Oh! Sorry!" She jumps away and pats my stomach "Hurry up, little guy," She coos.

"Oh God, Yunie…"  
"What?" She innocently places her hands behind her back.

"I'm not pregnant,"  
"_Yet_."

I roll my eyes and she blows me a kiss.

"Get home, Rikku! I'm ready to be an auntie as much as you're ready to be a mommy!"

I stifle a snort. She spanks me as I jump on to the hovercraft. The engine comes alive and I take off, her catcalls mix with the sound of the roaring engine. The speed picks up, wind ripping through my hair and I steer in the direction of Djose.

"You're home late." Gippal notes when I walk into the door. He gives me a quick peck on the lips and starts out the door.

"Yeah, where are you going?" I spin around to stop him.

"Stuff came up." His voice sounds automatic. He inches further away from the doorframe and on to the porch. "Rikku, seriously, it's just… work-related." His hand rubs the back of his neck.

"I'll be home before you go to bed. Promise."  
Before I even get the chance to acknowledge his assurance, he's out of sight.

The shrill alert of my commsphere breaks the awkward silence in the room.

"Hello?"

"Please tell me I'm not interrupting!"  
"Uh…no…" A nervous laugh escapes me, "What's up, Yunie?"

"Well, I just got out of the Advisor's board meeting. Turns out, they want to throw a last-minute fundraiser for the school. To like…promote awareness, or something. Anyway, because I don't want to be impersonal by sending you an invitation to something I'm very passionate about, I figured I'd just invite you right now, Gippal and my unborn niece or nephew to the gala next Friday!"

"Oh, Yunie! You know I never have the appropriate get-up for these things!" I disregard her last statement with purpose and sit down on the bed.

"Neither do I! Oh, come back to Luca! Paine'll be here in two days and you two can stay with me and we'll go shopping! Oh it'll be just like old times!" Her laughter resonates, causing the bed to quiver. When did she become the happy-go-lucky one in the group? Oh…yeah…

"Uh…" I pick invisible lint off the comforter "Well…"  
"Please?"  
"If I _have _to…" I give in and she squeals in delight.

"Oh! This is going to be so much fun! When will you be here?"

"Give me three days," I promise "You know, I have some… previous engagements to attend to."

Her laughter grows brighter.


	3. Catalyst

Catalyst

I'm sure if I hadn't had such a high tolerance for alcohol I would be completely enjoying the atmosphere of mind-numbing string music and sparkle. However, I'm calling over the cocktail waiter a fourth time and the shimmery lights and music are just giving me a headache. The music is not appropriate for solo dancing, and my partner is nowhere to be found so I sit in the corner of the room, enjoying the sights of Luca's high and mighty intermingling with other people lucky enough to afford the ticket to get in to this soirée.  
Yuna is the center of attention in her sequined dark blue gown, she and Tidus lace through the crowd in a cheerful waltz. One laughs at each misstep the other makes, Yuna giggles when Tidus twirls her around, and they awkwardly step together until finally settling in a smooth lively rhythm. Their eyes never leaving the other's gaze, an unspoken emotion radiates off them. It's only Tidus and Yuna, and no one else…

"Why the long face?" Paine disturbs my watching. She takes a seat beside me, motioning for the cocktail waiter.

"What long face?" I glance around the room innocently. Paine sips her drink and smirks at me.

"Rikku," She begins coolly, eyes not leaving the crowd "If you're dead set on starting family, you might want to put the glass down." My eyes roll upward and I walk into the sea of people, the rim of the glass firmly pressed to my lips savoring the liquid swirling around my mouth. The music finishes its lively beat, resolving into something more ethereal and calming. The pairs break away, forming a huge mass of people. A soft hand grabs my arm, twirling me around my champagne threatens to spill over. I finish it off in a gulp.

"H-hey!" I stammer, trying to make sure liquid doesn't leak out of my mouth, "What gives?" Yuna grabs my empty glass and handing it to a waiter. She tugs on my hand and pulls me into a corner.  
"Having fun?"

"Sorta, you know these scenes aren't really my thing."

"Not really your thing?" Yuna echoes, "Since when?"

I chose not to answer.

"Where's Gippal?"

"Uh…" I scan the crowd, I hadn't seen Gippal since we arrived, "I'm not too sure, I think he was talking to some people."

"Talking to people? Not paying attention to you?"

"I didn't say that, Yunie." I defend. She gives me a hurt look.

"Well, you look like a rock star!" I try, motioning to her form-fitting gown.

"Not as good as you." She counters. My dress is reminiscent of a severely obese chocobo.

"Isn't that enough?" Yunie asks when I motion for a cocktail waiter.

"This is like my fifth drink." Yunie's face twists with concern. Truth is, I lost count of how many drinks I've consumed within the past two hours. I guess if I have to estimate, it'd be more than five… way more than five.

But the sweet pale colored liquid soothes my frayed nerves and my short temper recedes as the alcohol travels down my throat. I flash Yunie a bright smile, she meets my grin hesitantly, and her eyes analyze me.

"Come on," I deposit the empty glass on a table and grab Yuna's hand "Let's go find our men!"

The crowd pairs off again, Yunie and Tidus in the midst and another sweet waltz plays. I watch them off the reflection of another glass I nurse.

I adjust my sitting position; I really hate wearing big dresses. There's no room for getting comfortable and the extra layers make me uneasy. I adjust again, now one of the sequins is rubbing uncomfortably against my thigh. Groaning I adjust again.

"May I join you?" A smooth voice interjects.

The ever-dapper Baralai takes a seat beside me; his left hand holds a glass of champagne. The corners of my mouth lift upward.

"Is the great Baralai to good for dancing?"

"No." He chuckles, "I've never been much into participating. I'd much rather sit back and observe."

"That figures."

"What about you? I would figure you to be the type that flourishes in these settings."

"Uh…yeah? Well, maybe you shouldn't judge a book by its cover!" My voice is way too high pitched. His baritone chuckles grow louder.

"I apologize." He's suave with his inflections, "How can I make up for the error of my assumptions?"

I take another sip.

"Where's Gippal?"

"I saw him earlier, talking to Nooj." Baralai answers, motioning toward the balcony. My eyes follow his gestures and sure enough, I saw his spikey blonde hair and the accompanying eye patch, engaging in a dynamic conversation with the former meyvyn. Watching the two men laugh makes me sigh, remembering when Gippal and I had that much fun with simple conversation.

Gippal looks handsome as ever in his black suit. There wasn't anything special about the outfit, but it was the way it looked upon his lithe frame. The jacket complements the width of his shoulders and the firmness of his body. The pants salute his legs' length and strength. I know he's been catching many eyes during the evening, Gippal's a handsome guy. But it's more than the litheness of his body or the charming way about him. Gippal, at least to me, is one of the strongest men I know. He's not just physically strong, but emotionally capable of dealing with most situations… I wonder how he's dealing with us… wait, I do know how: he's not.

The shuffle from Baralai's side of the table pulls me away from my thoughts. He's probably going to join Gippal and Nooj instead of sitting with Gippal's tipsy, mopey girlfriend. I start to say goodbye to him, and then… he stands right in front of me and holds out his hand.

"Dance with me?"

"I thought you weren't a participator?"

"Well, maybe I can mend this by having us both participate." In a fluid motion, he pulls me out of the seat and on to the dance floor. He holds me at arms' length and we fall into a slightly rhythmic gait. The only thing I know about dancing like this is to let your partner lead you, and the lightheadedness that I was feeling encouraged me to go with this instinct rather than trying to take the lead and completely losing my footing. The last thing I wanted was to make an embarrassment of myself; adults don't do that…right?

Baralai is remarkably nimble of foot; he eases us around the floor with style. I never realized this until now, when I'm so close to him, that he smells like clean amber. It's so different from the gasoline scents that fill my nose on a daily basis that it's almost…refreshing? I don't know, but when he spins me away and the smell of food and night air invades my senses and I begin to miss Baralai's aroma, but it's only for a moment, he twirls me back into his embrace and the clean scent fills me again. We progress with the music, and finally we settle in a lively step.

"What are you laughing about?" Baralai inquires when I start giggling.

"_I _should be the one to apologize." I try to emulate his sophisticated manner. His eyebrow perking up prompts me to explain, "I didn't realize Praetor's could dance so well!" This time, Baralai's chuckle makes me smile.

"I'm a special case, Rikku." His smooth voice causes silence inside me. "Dance lessons weren't high on the list of essential qualities to be Praetor. However, I find networking is much easier when one has an aptitude in many talents." We both laugh.

"Can I cut in?" Gippal's cool voice cuts in to our laughter. Baralai releases me and Gippal's scent of oil and soap circulates through my senses. Gippal presses me close to his body.

"I didn't know you wanted to dance." Gippal sounds… apologetic? Irritated? He's just so nonchalant about things, it's hard to place his emotions.

"I've been waiting for you to ask me…" I half-heartedly tease, looking off into the distance. He lifts my chin and the gaze that meets mine almost makes my knees give out.

* * *

The ride back to Djose was just too long to risk, so Gippal and I settled on a room only three blocks away from the fundraiser. His lips attack mine and his hands explore my body with familiarly. I surrender to him, letting him pick my body up and pull and tug at the zipper of my dress. It falls to floor and he lays me on the cool bed, his good eye gazes at me.

"Tysh ed, Rikku." His voice is hoarse; before I could answer, he claims my lips again. This time, it's more intense our teeth clash and our tongues tango. This was right; _this _is Gippal- the Gippal that I know, the Gippal that I…love? Is this love? The Gippal that I've known forever, do I love this man?

"Rikku? You there, babe?"  
"Y-yeah," I breathe, "I just… had a thought."

"A thought?" He asks, positioning himself against me, one hand on my stomach other propping up his head.

"Y-yeah." He gently strokes my torso, urging me on, "I just thought about…you know… our relationship."

He visibly stiffens, "What about it?"

"Well… uh… you know we've been together forever."  
"Three years constitutes forever?"

"You know what I mean, Gippal." I snap, "The fact is that…_we _don't really have a future."

"Rikku…" he begins. The warm buzz of alcohol in my system silences.

"You know I-" a ringing CommSphere interrupts him; he waits for it to stop.

"I do-" the CommSphere goes off again. He sighs impatiently as it rings.

"Just answer it." I say when the CommSphere goes off again. He stops mid-sentence and gets out of bed, he answers his CommSphere in Al Bhed.

"E'mm pa nekrd drana." He says after a long period of mumbles and frustrated noises. He hangs up his CommSphere and makes a move for his clothes.

"Who was that?" I press, sitting up.

"…Work." He doesn't look at me.

"Work? At two in the morning?"  
"They need me."  
"_I _need you." He visibly stiffens at my declaration.

"You don't mean that." He says hurriedly.

"I don't mean that? Since when do you decide what I mean and what I don't mean? Gippal, please don't go to work!" I practically jump in front of the door, blocking his path.

"Rikku…" He says again, defeated.

"Gippal… _E muja oui. _" The words stumble out. Gippal's expression isn't comforting me. He crosses the room and sits on the bed

"Rikku," after a painful silence, "What do you want?"  
"I want you, I want eternity."

"like…gettin' married?"

"Like anything! I just want something to live for, and I want that something to be us." I say hurriedly, not even believing myself. I sit beside him on the bed, grabbing one of his hands. He hesitantly places an arm around me.

"Rikku… I-…I… I have to go. Djose needs me."

No, "I love you" was exchanged, only a light kiss on the forehead and a hurried walk out the door. Once he's out the door, I slip back into my dress and shoes.

I head out the door with no idea as to where I should go.

* * *

_A/n: Thanks to everyone who's reviewed, favorited and read thus far! What do you think is going on with Gippal? Keep it up, guys! Feedback warms my soul_

_Al Bhed Translator:_

Tysh ed = Damn it

_E muja oui = I love you _


	4. Resonance

Resonance

_What do you want? _

Right now, I want to forget. I want to forget tonight, the night before, the week before… the last three years, everything. I want the smoky gray haze of the bar to swallow me up, take me back five years, and warn me of the heartache that is complacency. I want the sweet sting of alcohol to lull me in to eternal sleep, or at least take away the grief in my heart and the impatience in my head. Most importantly, I want the cold last words Gippal said to me to evaporate from my mind.

I chase down another sigh with a shot of some warm alcohol; I don't remember the name of it but its amber color reminds me of some happiness from earlier in the night. Maybe I've been overreacting. Maybe what I want is too much, too soon. What unsettles me is his aloofness during our conversation, I didn't ask for much. Just a situation update, right? It wasn't like I was asking for a definite answer, I just wanted to know where we were. And how close we were to…

_Gettin' married? _

I didn't bring marriage up, he did. So naturally, he's been thinking about marriage… marriage to me. He thought about Mrs. Gippal before I even had time to consider that option. What does that say? But he said it so...so…hesitantly, not Gippal's usual cocky style. What was he so uncertain about? Three years may not "constitute forever" (since when did he start using the word "constitute"?) but it had to count for something. We've lived together for almost a year and we may not have the most… devoted relationship, but we haven't burned the house down during a fight, either. I'm thinking too much, I need another shot of this amber colored liquid.

_Stuff came up at work._

Another shot.

_They need me._

Another shot.

_Rikku, really, I'm sorry_.

"You always say sorry," the words drown in the liquid, "Always."

* * *

Sunlight filtering through a window in the far corner of the room awakens the monster headache. I keep my eyes close, focusing only on the distant sound of a soft voice and the luxurious feel of silk sheets. I stretch my joints, blindly testing my surroundings. Whatever I'm on feels rich; wouldn't I remember falling into such luxury? The only thing I remember is Gippal's voice ringing in my head, the lovely sting of amber colored alcohol, and…fuzziness. I rub my eyes and timidly expose my vision to the surrounding world. The haziness of last night doesn't fade and my surroundings only stir more questions about last night.

The walls are a lavish burgundy and gold wall adornments accent the deep color of the walls. Dark furniture stood on top of white rugs protecting a glossy wood floor and white linen curtains caress the air in the room. The sheets covering me are high in thread count and have that sheen that expensive sheets have. But as nice as my surroundings were, it still didn't help me figure out how I got here. I reach around, looking for a clock…but I stop when a soft material brushes my torso. The restricting gold dress wasn't on me…

"Crap…" I fall back in to the fluffy pillows, watching my hair fall back in to my face I only guessed what I had done last night. I close my eyes, giving control to the throbbing pain in my head.

I don't know how much times passes but eventually the smells of freshly cooked food invade my senses and my growling stomach replaces all the worrying I was doing. I try to keep my eyes close, but a deep baritone chuckle rouses me.

"You are awake!" Baralai says, placing a covered dish on the nightstand. "I was starting to worry; you've been out for a while."

"How long is a while?" My voice is dry so I reach for the coffee mug next to the dish.

"About ten hours, you fell asleep on the way here." He pulls a chair to the edge of the bed, his brown eyes studying me. I probably look like a wreck; I feel bloated, my mouth is dry and parts of my sweat-dried hair are matted to my face. Baralai looks fresh and well rested, he isn't clad in his normal robes or the fancy suit from last night, and instead he looks casual in his taupe pants and white shirt.

"Oh wow." I breathe, "Um…" how do I word this?  
"Why don't you eat first?" He recommends, handing me a now uncovered plate of delicious warm food, "After that, I'm sure you'll want this," He shakes a white bottle of pills. My lips tug in to a small smile and I begin to eat.

"Slow down, Rikku!" Baralai laughs, I stopped my scarfing and a hand flew over my reddening face.

"Sorry…" I giggle, trying to regain myself, "I'm just so hungry." He doesn't answer me but smiles, I continue to eat.

"So, Baralai…" I begin once I finish eating, looking at my fork for remains of egg, "How exactly did I get here?"

Maybe I'm used to Gippal's reactions to my interrogations because about three-fourths of me expected Baralai to take my plate away and avoid me completely. Instead, Baralai picks my empty plate up and sets it down on the bedside table. He looks straight into my eyes when he answers.

I almost don't listen to his story of how he happened to be meeting a friend for after-party drinks in the same area, saw me enter the bar in that pretentious yellow dress, and noticed that lack of pep in my step. I barely acknowledge him explaining his confusion over observing the scene because he had noticed Gippal and I leaving the gala in such a "passionate fervor" and he wondered, he wondered so greatly that it caused him to check on me after his friend left and saw me gazing over the bar with hardly any recollection of the hours before.

Why didn't I listen attentively?

Because Baralai has the sweetest hazel colored eyes, I've ever seen.

"So… we didn't… you know…" the words stumble out of my mouth, it's then that I notice how forward I am learning into his gaze. I sit myself back up, trying to gain composure. Baralai's face searches mine for a moment and then his face breaks in to a reassuring grin.

"No, Rikku, I may be involved in politics; however that doesn't mean I play dirty in all aspects of my life." He chuckles after he finishes and I feel my body relax. "If you're asking about the state of your clothes," He says, articulating my question "The dress you wore just didn't seem comfortable for sleeping in, so I had one of the maid's help you change into something comfortable before you fell asleep."

"They can keep it." I mutter into my cup of coffee, Baralai chuckles and sips his own drink.

"Pardon me for intruding, but why were you at the bar last night?" Uh… Oh poop, how was I going to answer this? The truth? No.

"Gippal…" I started, but the sweet honey of Baralai's stopped me in my tracks. "Uh… Gippal had to go to work."

"That late?"

"My thoughts exactly." My voice sounds defeated. Baralai places a warm hand on my shoulder; the thin cotton of the shirt I'm wearing nullifies the touch.

"Rikku, Gippal does love you." Had I asked for that confirmation? No. Why does everyone keep worrying over my relationship?

"Baralai," My voice cuts him off, "I appreciate it, I really do. But, I don't need saving. Ok? Yeah, you caught me at a really weak moment, but I can take care of myself… I've been doing that longer than you think I've been." I hastily get up. Finding out that a pair of long shorts cover my legs and I pull a pair of sandals on the floor. "I know Gippal and I are having problems, and I'm sure you've heard about them, but we're _fine_. All couples go through this, right?" I don't wait for his answer. I pull my hair back into a somewhat neater bun my hands are shaking.

"Rikku," His velvet voice is soft, understanding, "Rikku, I understand…"

"I don't think you do, Baralai. Look, thank you so much for letting me stay here, I'm going to go home and talk to Gippal, ok?"  
"At least take my hovercraft."

"I. Don't. Need. Saving." I say in haste, and with that, I turn on my heel, and walk out the door.

* * *

To be honest, I've never liked Djose.

It's like… a wannabe Home, but worse because of all the old Yevon references. Of course, the Al Bhed restoring the temple speaks volumes about our tolerance levels over that of the old Yevonites. But Djose to me was nothing but a big worn down sandstorm of mixed languages, random and broken machina parts, gasoline, shovels and memories of chauvinism.

But for now, it was a sanctuary, a sanctuary from all things relating to last night.

I decided to walk the journey from Luca to Djose; it wasn't that big of a feat. I arrived around late afternoon and immediately jumped the shower and after I smelled of cactus flower and clean water, crashed on to the cold bed, finding myself missing the luxurious sheets that I awoke in only hours before. Those wants are soon silenced as I get comfortable and slipping back in to the sweet darkness of slumber.

It's midnight when I wake up. The dry heat of Djose makes me feel duller than I had before; the room smells of Gippal and a musky something else that I can't place. I reached around for my CommSphere, glancing at the clock displayed on the screen. There's no sign of my usual bed partner. A dejected sigh escapes me and I pull the covers over me. Gippal would be back in the morning and maybe I could coax some conversation out of him.

And that's when something snaps inside of me.

There was no fault in trying to get an answer out of him as to where we were going together. Three years, I have invested three years in to a relationship… given up my independence as a person to cohabitate with someone that claims to care more about me than the rest of the world… why else would he ask me to live with him so long ago? If he was really sick of me, wouldn't he ask me to move out?

…maybe that's why he's spent so much time at work.

The next moments are a blur. Before I know it, I'm outside our home, I'm in front of Djose Temple, and finally I'm standing in front of Gippal's office. Light seeps through the gap under the door and I can faintly hear his voice. Three shaky breathes, two steady breathes, and one final gasp later, I reach for the doorknob.

_Logical, calm, composed, mature. _My mantra dances through my hand; I push open the door, taking steady breaths. My heart booms in my chest, blood flows to my face. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.

All rational thought leaves Djose.

"We need to talk." He doesn't have time to respond to me, "I don't care if we're over; I just want to know why you keep avoiding me. If you don't want to see me anymore, please just ask me to move out instead of spending all day cooped up here. We've been together three years and if you are going to break up with me, you at least owe me the decency of a proper talk. Quit avoiding me. I get it, you don't want to spend eternity to me… but please just give me the courtesy of an answer instead of running away to here! I don't want to feel like this anymore. I'm tired of it, I feel like… emptier than empty. I can't live waiting for you to decide where we're going- I need an answer. _Now._"

I don't get an answer from Gippal, his good eye is wide open and a few unnamable reactions flash through the green orb. His hands grip tightly together and he opens his mouth.

His back office door opens, revealing a lithe feminine figure.

"Nhadala." The name doesn't come out as a question, my voice sounds defeated and understanding. The room goes blurry, I hear Gippal call my name but I can't make out where he is. I turn on my heel and run out the door.

* * *

_A/N: Sorry that took so long! Finals have taken top priority and now that they're over, I can focus more on this! Once again, a big thank you to everyone who has read, reviewed, favorited, etc. Don't forget to leave feedback! _

_See you soon! _


	5. Repossession

Repossession

When I was a child, Gippal and I used to play this game. He would chase me all around the Sanubia desert thrashing his arms around like a fiend. When he finally caught me, he would tickle me until I screamed and then it would start all over again. The last time we played this, I was fifteen and he was leaving for Crimson Squad. I figured, if I ran away, he'd never leave, because we never said our goodbyes. That time our game was modified, he didn't act like a fiend and when he finally caught me I cried and cried in his chest, begging him not to go. He left, and the week later, I set off to highjack Yunie. We left our silly memories to the sand storms and the fluctuating sand dunes.

I reach the bedroom before him. A part of me wants to hide under the sheets and another part of me wants to break the lamps and other decorations. Ultimately, the rattling doorknob and heavy knocks against the door make my decision for me.

"Rikku! Please open up."

One part of me doesn't want to open the door and make him sleep on the couch, but I give into my sensitive side.

"I can explain." He stumbles in his steps and his words.

"Better start."

He makes and releases a fist and the other hand pinches the bridge of his nose. I recognize this stance. His body is tense, preparing for verbal warfare, formulating sharp comebacks and references to my previous faults and my personality defects. His emerald, one-eyed gaze finally meets mine. He looks at me as if I'm ruined machina. He's probably dissecting my crossed arms and angled hip, my left foot hastily tapping against the floor, and my unblinking gaze. In a normal case, he'd consider my anger and his, ruffle my hair and offer to sleep on the couch. Coaxing me with phrases like _my girl_ and _Al Bhed Princess_, he'd save the argument for morning… and when morning came he would escape off to his coffee stained papers, machina littered office, and the shamefully attractive Nadhala in his lap. I would be stuck in between tacky purple and red sheets, drowning my showers in a glass of cactus wine parallel to the color of my tears. However, this wasn't a normal case.

"Are you cheating on me?" The words are harsh and my throat tightens with each syllable.

Gippal's expression slackens. The tough fighter withdraws and he softens in to another character, not the good-natured, self-assured man I came to be with but instead he looks tired, defeated, emotion resonates in his one good eye an emotion that I have never seen in Gippal before: bleakness.

"No." He breaks the painful silence with heart wrenching sound. Pure, honest feeling radiates off him. It wasn't, _Rikku, no, I would never, I love you _but it was an answer. An honest answer.

I feel my hand tangle in my hair, trying to process the information just offered to me. Gippal is many things, but he isn't a liar. He may keep a few complicated secrets, but he never spares someone from his true intentions when exposed. That's the problem with honesty, in a world full of smoke and mirrors it's hard to face the simple truth. I come from a culture that was once so readily lied about that honesty to each other is essential for Al Bhed survival.

"So… what were you doing with her?"

"Business."

"At midnight?"  
"Rikku-"

"I'm not accusing you anymore," I hold my hands up in surrender as I cut him off "I'm just trying to make sense of the situation."

His hand finds my knee and his breaths deepen, "We just… we're working together, and-"

"Gippal, I believe you." I cut him off, not wanting to hear the rest. Any more information about whatever they were working on would plague my mind with more insecurity and cause me to doubt him further. In an impulsive rush, I place my lips on his. His hands intertwine with mine, his lips coax mine open, and everything feels normal. Sweet longing courses through my body, and desperation to forget today fuels my next actions. He pulls me in to a squeeze. His mouth trails down my neck.

"Mm… what'd ya say, babe?" He murmurs against my skin, his hands drawing incoherent shapes against exposed skin.

"We…should…" I stop when his lips leave my body. Opening my eyes, I find one desire laced emerald gaze meeting me full on.

"We should what?" He entices, tracing my thigh dreamily. A smile tugs at my lips and I release a suspended breath.

"Let's get married." The words breathe out of me and awaken me out of my trance. He stops his caresses and my trance breaks. He gets up, one hand rubbing the back of his hand the other on his hip.

"Rikku…" His gaze flickers from me to the door.

"We might as well talk about it." I press. He sighs and kneels down to meet my eye level. "I'm listenin'."

"Ok…well… we've been dating for three years."  
"I think we've noted that more than once this week."

"Let me finish," I snap back "We live together, we share the same bed, I think by most standards we're basically considered married. I don't see a reason why not."  
"I do." He mumbles.

"Gippal, the only way this is going to work is if_ you_ talk with _me_."

"Fine then, Rikku," His voice is sharp "You just walked in on me and a business partner and automatically accuse me of being unfaithful to you. You have a dependence on alcohol that you aren't willing to admit to having, and-"

"Meanie."

"That's the other thing! How can you accuse me of committing adultery when you can't even act like an adult?" He stands up and faces his back to me when he's done. His words slice through me. "Our _home_ – as you like to refer to it – is full of stuffed animals, you spend all day here moping around here and you can't even think to get rid of these toys? You want to hog my time, and don't even think to get out and get a job yourself. If I didn't know any better, I would think that you've always been this way. It's like you've regressed. I walked in to this relationship hoping for the same Rikku I've always known. But you're a shadow of her."

It was the most he's ever said to me in nine months, and his words hurt worse than a bullet wound.

"I'm sorry you feel that way." I said, not bringing myself to look at him. I hear him turn away and the sound of the shower replaces my heavy breaths. I crawl under the sheets and try to fall asleep. What feels like hours later the sheets rustle and a warm, slightly damp body sets down on the mattress. I feel his hand reach for my shoulder but I move out of its way.

"I… I didn't mean it like that, Rikku."  
"You've said enough."

He doesn't speak after that, he adjusts his body away from mine and soon after his soft snores and heavy breaths take over the silence filling the room.

_You can't even act like an adult._

_You've regressed._

_You're a shadow of the Rikku I've always known._

"Please shut up." A pillow muffles my plea.

The air in the room vanishes and a dark ambiance settles in. I feel hot, like my skin is going to melt off my bone at any second. I throw the sheets off me, but the heat worsens. My lungs constrict. My torso jolts upward, sweat jumps off me. Breathless gasps escape me. I feel dizzy when I try to stand up. So I lay back against the pillow, the icky feeling of sweat seeping in the thread sends shivers through me. I flip over on to my side, begging sleep to come.

Gippal doesn't move once.

My heart rate quickens and I feel my blood curl in my ears. What's going on with me? Am I dying? I take a few shaky breaths to steady myself. My palms are dripping with perspiration and the salty liquid is starting to trickle in to my mouth.

I'm dying. Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!

Adrenaline helps me stand up with wobbly footing and, with the help of the footboard and other furniture; I make it to the bathroom. Turning on the light and the faucet and after minutes of just standing there with my head facing downward, I look up.

The person standing in front of me isn't worthy to be called a woman, or even a child. Had I really gotten this skinny? Since when did I become pale? I live in the desert for crying out loud! My hair doesn't have its usual luster and my eyes look glazed over and swollen. My body shakes like a leaf holding on to a tree in the middle of a fierce thunderstorm.

Nine months.

Nine months of emotional decaying did this to me.

I splash cold water on my face and dark thoughts twist through my head. I have to get out of Djose. My health depends on getting out of here. I take a drink from the water collected in the basin, and a few more deep breaths for good measure. I nod to myself, at first it's a soft movement but quickly it becomes violent thrashes of agreement. This was it.

Hours later, I close the bedroom door behind me. Once outside our house, I dialed the first number that came to mind, after a few rings someone answered, I didn't even bother to listen to the throaty voice answering the phone.

"Can I stay with you tonight?"

()

"Have you eaten yet?" Paine's voice cuts through the silent room. Before I can answer her, she places warm bright food in front of me.

"Before you say anything, I don't have any alcohol." She adds, setting a glass of clear liquid in front of me. I taste the fluid, and to my disgust, it's water.

"Sorry." She says when I place the glass down. I shrug, Paine wasn't stupid, she knew of my growing alcohol dependence. More than likely, she stowed her own bottles of sweet red liquid away before I arrived.

"It's no big deal." My voice is hoarse and I feel my hands shake. Paine's crimson gaze doesn't move from me.

"We…had a fight," I answer her unspoken question, "A bad fight. I don't think I can go back there."

"You don't think you can go back there tonight?"  
"Never."

"Rikku, you're being overdramatic."

"Am I?" I snap back, Paine's sharp gaze makes me regret my brashness. She swiftly moves beside me on the couch. I squeeze my eyes shut but the baby tears trickle out and I break down the past nine months to my friend. When I finish my story her gaze softens, she crosses her arms and sits back.

"Why didn't you tell us about this sooner?"

"I don't know, Paine. I- you two have been so busy with your own lives. And this all happened so gradually that when I realized what was going on it was all out of my hands." My nose is getting sore from all of the sniffles and my eyes are tired from my hands rubbing them. Even though I hadn't reached a conclusion, finally opening up to someone made things seem slightly better. Paine hands me my glass of water and only takes it from me when the glass is empty.

"I don't know what to do, I've always thought that Gippal and I would end up together and we'd live happily ever after. But now it's like my entire life has been ripped away from me."

"Rikku, you're not even 20 yet."  
"Yunie's two years older than me! Look where she is! Look where you are!" I point this out like a spoiled child in a toy store.

"But look what we've been through," Paine begins bluntly, her crimson gaze never leaving my own, "People who want happy endings have to write their own, Rikku. I've told you that before."

For once, I am silent.

"Rikku, you have this chance now to figure out who you are. Not your place with Yuna, Gippal, or me, but who _you _are to yourself. Take it."

"You're right." I finally say, staring at the ceiling. I nod my head, "You're right, Paine. I'm just scared."

"Everyone's scared at some point in life."

She goes to refill my glass and I eat in silence. Digesting tonight with each chew, what did all this mean? My breakdown, this revelation… is there still time for happy endings? My hand finds its way under my chin and I contemplate while I shove food around the plate.

"So… should I kick Nhadala's ass?" Paine's voice breaks through the silence. She sits down beside me again, her eyes dancing with vivacity.

Laughter bursts through both of us.


	6. Esoteric

_A/N: This is a slight revamp of the original published version of this chapter. Gippal simply wouldn't leave me alone until he had his way in this chapter. Just a fair warning: this chapter gets_ rough_. However, this version does end the Rikku and Gippal story line and allows me to focus on the main pairing. Enjoy!_

Esoteric

When I open my eyes, my mind pole-vaults into confusion. Bits and scraps of machina…machines…or whatever don't surround me, the air didn't hold the same dry feeling that Djose's climate was famous for, and since when did Gippal get decent air fresheners? Then it hits me, Nhadala, the fight…leaving. I really went through with it.

A loud ripping sound takes note when I push off the black leather couch. (Something Gippal would never furnish the house with, no matter how many times I begged.) Paine's home is strikingly modern; straight lined monochromatic furniture, contrasted with bold dark purple pillows and sharp cornered tables. The walls are empty of art and barren of hanging accents, but Paine is never one for frivolous details, and she always prefers functionality versus form. I stretch and the thick humid air of the Moonflow settles in my lungs. Paine's wooden floors feel smooth under my tired feet and the space smells like fresh linens and breakfast. The second scent makes my tummy give off tiny, baby roars. I follow the two scents to the sleek gray and black kitchen.

"You're awake." Paine's throaty voice registers with me before I could notice she was in the room. She sits on a glossy chair, her sharp face illuminated by the blue light of her CommSphere. She pushes another plate of bright food to me, motioning me to sit down.

"Thanks again," She only nods in response, eyes flickering over various newscasts. I start into my dish, awkwardly staring around the room.

"I like your place, you always manage to make black and other dull colors look cool!"  
"Thanks," her voice indifferent. I roll my eyes, something's never change.

We continue our actions. I point out on something cute in her apartment and she smiles or _mm_'s in response. It wasn't that much different from what Gippal and I did every morning, but there was something more…intimate about this? Maybe intimate isn't the word, I love Paine very much –like a sister; but we weren't talking every day as we used to, and wouldn't intimacy mean everyday interaction? I guess I feel safe …_calm_. That's it. But even that definition doesn't sit right with me, I can't act this way with everyone because they put me at ease. Once, I was a relatively happy, active person. Sure, I had my childish tendencies, flair for over dramatics, and hyperactive qualities; once upon a time, quiet moments like this would send me into an awkward state of mind, especially with a close friend like Paine.

On the other hand, maybe, it's our capacity of love for one another that we are like this. To stay quiet and at peace with each other and not freak out why we aren't having long drawn out conversations about the weather or where she bought the scary looking chair in the living room. Maybe that's what love is, the little things like just enjoying each other's company without having to add the baloneys of teasing s or conversations. Teasing is my middle name.

Yevon, _now _I'm sounding like a truth-seeker.

"You and Baralai are causing quite a stir in the news." Paine notes dryly, pulling me out of my ponderings.

"What?"

She motions me over to her side of the table into the bright blue light of the CommSphere. I don't pay attention to the headline (marketing and journalism in Spira sucks and is super dicey) and instead my attention focuses on the photo the newscast displays. Me in my big fat Chocobo dress and Baralai in his fitted black tux; he had a hold on one of my hands, on the small of my back, and on both of our faces are these animated smiles, we only saw each other at the time photographer captured the photo. The photo sends me back into the sweet string music and the smell of crisp amber fills my nose. The feel of Baralai's hands on me, the feeling of laughter bubbling out of my lips, the feeling of being happy.

"Well?"  
"Oh… I mean, it's just gossip! No one's going to pay attention to it, let alone care. See? That next article is speculating if Yunie's pregnant or not."

"Rikku, Baralai's still Praetor. This article could push down his approval rating."  
"Is New Yevon really that prejudiced?"  
"It's not just New Yevon." Paine flips over to a newscast written in Al-Bhed, showing the same picture and a more negative article following the snapshot.  
"_He_ asked me to dance." I point out, "I hate the idea of Yunie risking her life twice so the world can go back to prejudices."  
"You risked your life, too. As did I. Don't give me that look."  
"Still, it has to be a sign of change."  
"It's a sign that the world just isn't ready for complete peace if the headlines of two news broadcasts mention your race and his status. If word gets out that he initiated the interaction, that'll make his followers question his judgment."

"And if they report the wrong story?"  
"You're still 'Gippal's girl' to the public eye; either way, you'll just look like the bad guy."

"Rikku," She starts after a long pause, "I think this is bigoted, too. However, the public is always going to want drama. No matter how many times death threatens them, and how many lessons they 'claim' to learn, old prejudices die hard and die slow."  
"I thought the factions were breaking up?"  
"You've been living with one of the faction leaders, Rikku. You should know more than anyone that they aren't disbanding, they're getting stronger and stronger, but living under the pseudonyms of 'former'. You're naïve to think that we can truly exist without 'ships' to guide us."

Her CommSphere rings.

"Speaking of former leaders," She says, eyebrow perking and smirk forming.

* * *

Paine had an exclusive job in the Youth League; she keeps tabs on any emerging spheres that might contribute to our rough understanding of our past as well as noting different changes in the environment since the destruction of Sin and Vegnagun. As cool as her life is, it also requires her to be on Nooj's disposal always. So she had to hop a hovercraft to Mushroom Rock road; she gave me a promise to pick up food on her way home and that the meeting shouldn't take more than a couple of hours. She left me with a fridge full of leftovers and a contemplative view of the Moonflow. But pensive thoughts and an overstuffed belly are the last things I want right now. The air in Paine's home is sultry and thick. Small sweat beads gather around my hairline, and no matter how many times I push my headband up the sweat multiplies, trickling down my forehead like little bugs. I move from my seat to the refrigerator, I honestly don't know what I expect to do but maybe the feeling of the cool air will calm my skin a little. My hand lingers on the handle of the refrigerator door.

_Sweet rushing feelings of the hard surface meeting my back, strong hands caressing my sides, pinning me to the chrome, soft lips trail along my neck stopping only to taste on the most swaying parts of my skin. The light feeling he gives me when he pulls my body around his. The giggles that trickle out of my mouth, the hot dry heat in the air intensified by the closeness of our bodies, the weight he adds to my small frame, my fingers tangle in his hair… then our lips meet. Tongues clash and the only thing that matters in the world is us… this… He picks me up in his embrace and pulls me away from my body's support. My legs wrap around his waist…_

I pull open the refrigerator, memories disappearing in the movement. It was really over. Despite the cool air rushing toward my face my stomach melts in with other organs making my thirst subside and the door slams back to its origin. Paine's floor suddenly feels larger, colder. Memories of various sweet moments between him and me swim through my mind.

Shower it is then.

An hour later, I emerge. Feeling lighter and comfortable, I wrap my thick hair up in one of Paine's gray towels and use another to wrap my body in. My clothes sat in front of one of Paine's narrowly oversized windows, drying out. I reached for my CommSphere (which narrowly avoided accidental drowning earlier) and fiddled with it until a familiar blue light lit up.

_9 missed calls, 8 voicemails, 19 text messages_.

I close the device; I don't want to see his name anymore. An unfamiliar pressure gathers around my eyes and I blink hastily.

"You know, I do have extra clothes you can wear."

Paine kneels beside me, and I push my CommSphere to her. The _click_ the device makes when she sets it on the table causes me to look at her. She pats my back, and then wraps an arm around my shoulders.

"There are much more productive ways to spend tonight."

"So…where are we going?"

Paine's trademark leather shorts and a random white t-shirt she pulled out of the bottom of her closet provide a different kind of comfortable. I can only imagine how funny I look in my boots being dragged through the banks of the Moonflow by Paine. She insists that I need the fresh air and she needs the "exercise" (whatever). Her long legs automatically put her in the lead, her strides more graceful and assertive than mine.

"I want to show you something." Her voice calm in spite of strength of the strides she takes against the cattails and thick mud around the river. I can't retort back because of these trails that my stubby legs can't seem to overcome as easily as hers. Small bugs make meals out of my sticky arms and legs, the area buzzes with the harmonies of fiends, bugs and other gross things like that. I swat ineffectively at the surrounding pests and mud splashing on my bare knees.

"Paine, serio-oof!"

"Quiet." She mutters as I pull my face away from her back. She doesn't face me, but her eyes are engrossed in the field away from the river. Her gaze leads to two robed figures keeping a considerable distance away from us. One of them holds a device.

"_They're recording us!"_

"Bingo." Paine's cool response doesn't soothe my nerves. She turns around, motioning me with her.

"What about your thing?" I ask as softly as possible.

"I don't want strangers there."

The walk back to Paine's home feels faster and I anticipate more for some reason. We keep an eye out for the robed strangers, crouching ever so steadily in the cattails outlining the river. We kept this up until we reached Paine's small home.

"What was that?" I say, louder this time, as I felt safe within the parameters of her home.

"Maybe it's the same people who discovered you and Baralai." Paine jokes in cool smooth tones.

"Hah. What are they going to say now? That I'm having a sordid love affair with you?"  
"You'd be lucky."

"No. _You'd_ be the lucky one."  
"You probably kick in bed, Rikku. Sorry, but I just don't see our relationship working out."

We start giggling at our hypothesis. The leather of Paine's shorts restricts my skin and the thoughts of taking them off give me faster steps into her home.

"I'm gonna make sure there aren't any camera men around the area." Paine says behind me, "why don't you go and ahead and see if I have any movie spheres worth watching?"

I nod and proceed into her home, making sure to check around the door for any suspicious characters. I slam the door behind me.

Now, I know I've noted the heavy humid air the Moonflow houses and breathing this air does a number on my diaphragm. I cross over into the sleek living room and, with shaking hands; I begin to rummage through Paine's organized movie collection. Using my finger to quickly search over the many titles she owns, I discovered the old Crimson Squad Spheres. With shaky hands, I pick up the Crimson sphere labeled "four", I don't remember much about the Crimson spheres, but I do remember the guns in this one. I remember the despairing sounds. I remember Gippal falling in this sphere. How brave he was… is? The bittersweet memories leave as quickly as they came by the sound of a clearing throat. I turn my head to the farthest wall.

"G-Gippal?"

There he is, in his common purple and red outfit, holding my CommSphere in his hand. The cerulean light pronounces frustrated wrinkle of his brow. His good eye looks angry and bloodshot and his body is tense. His hair isn't styled. There are no words exchanged between us, but he does cross the room to stand arms' length away from me; he smells like work, his favorite cactus made alcohol…and probably _her_, but I don't know what she smells like.

"You coulda at least answered my messages." He sneers, shoving the CommSphere in my face, the missed messages screen flashing, "that way I would know that you weren't kidnapped or you didn't kill yourself."  
"What? Kidnapped?" I stand and try to snatch my CommSphere out of his hand but he holds it above my grasp.  
"You could have at least told me this was over…" His words are slurring, "I hate waking up alone, Rikku, you know that."  
Did I? I don't know this side of Gippal.  
"It was over the minute you started sleeping with her!"  
"Are you still going on about that? How many times do I have to say we didn't do anything!" He leans down to face me. His alcoholic breath surrounds me, filling my lungs and poisoning my nerves.  
"It's what you didn't say. That's what counts." I gasp out.

Gippal's slap came at such a speed that I barely noticed that CommSphere drop out of his hand or his palm open. The force behind it sends me crashing into the cabinet holding Paine's movie spheres. I crumble on the floor.

"_Do you think I like doing this to you?" _he thunders and kicks the cabinet. Movie spheres litter out of it and hit me like raindrops. I hold my hands over my face. I beg him to stop, but my begging is silenced as he keeps screaming. "_The lying. The secret keeping! Do you think I do this intentionally?" _

I shake my head, not because I didn't know the answer to his questions, but because I don't want this to be real. He picks me up by the shoulders and pins me against the wall. I writhe against him, his weight is greater than mine. He slams me back against the wall, and I stop moving.

"You're hurting me!" I screech in Al-Bhed. I close my eyes, not wanting to see the rage and clouds in his eye or the open palm angled toward my head.

"Let her go." Paine's deathly calm voice interrupts. Her rapier pointed decisively at the side of his head. He lets me go, the wall tears when I slide down the wall and I crash on to the wooden floor. He collapses around me, arms clumsily wrapping around Paine's weapon. His body shakes.

"I'm…so sorry." He sobs, "I didn't mean for this to happen. Rikku…I love you. I'm so sorry, so…so…sorry." He rambles on, half in English, the other in Al-Bhed. Hot tears trickle down my face, Paine barks orders at him. I stand up, shaking legs threatening to give out at any second.

I push through the door and back into the marshes.

* * *

The biting bugs, the buzzing landscape sonata, and the thick muggy air doesn't matter to me anymore. My legs ache and my skin prickles from different factors, but I just don't care. I can't escape him unless I ran faster. I hear a voice calling, it's probably Gippal…

I pick up my pace.

Were the men in robes they following me now? If so, what would they report? That Gippal and I got into a fight and now I'm running to Baralai to heal my wounds?

My ankle rolls and my face hits the dirt. More tears rolls out and sobs escape, I can't do this anymore. The salty marsh taste complemented with the metallic taste of blood fills my mouth.

"I give up." I sob to the air. Blood trickles out of my mouth and down my neck with languorous speed. I spit out the nasty flavor and dig my hands in the dirt, trying desperately to forget everything.

"I just want to disappear," I cry again to the thick air.

"I can arrange that."

Paine's hand strokes my back; she sits on her knees and her eyes are set on the Moonflow before us.

"What?" I wipe my eyes.

"Come on," she stands up, motioning me to follow her.

"Oh and don't worry about Gippal." She says watching me make sure we hadn't been followed, "I did some business talking with him."  
My eyes roll at her cheesiness but continue to follow her.

She leads me to a thick area of cattails and bushes. No bugs linger around here and the world is unusually silent.

"Paine, what are you doing?"  
"Shh. Watch."

She sticks a finger in the Moonflow and small pyreflies orbit around the ripples. I hear myself gasp in surprise; pyreflies are rare nowadays.

"You want to disappear, right?"

I feel myself sheepishly nod, my eyes glued to the bruises and nail marks on my arms Gippal left me. Paine pulls a cattail rod out of the land and breaks it in half, she dips the stick in the circle of pyreflies and pushes it in until all I can see above the water is her hand. Then she pulls it out.

It's no longer a cattail, it's transformed into the leaf of a palm tree. Paine hands it to me. I finger the plant.

"Have you ever tried it?"  
"Not yet, I've put many things in here; food, small animals, you name it. Each time it's worked successfully."  
"Would I turn in to a fiend?"  
"I highly doubt it," she begins, rubbing a stone in between her fingers, "Each time I've tested, the objects tend to stay within their own…range of abilities."

"A whole new life." I hug my knees, "Wow…"  
"It's your ticket out of this drama." Paine notes.

"What about you? What about Yuna?"

"It'll be our little secret." She winks.

With that I tentatively set my feet into the water. It's deeper than I pictured, the warmth takes over and sends me in a trance the further I sink.

* * *

When I emerge, there are clean clothes and small folded piece of paper. I shrug into the clean soft outfit and tentatively I open the note. Enclosed is 5,000 gil, and two simple words written by a steady hand: _Good Luck_.

* * *

_A/N: Prejudices, do they die or do they just get smaller? Also, what secrets do you think Gippal is hiding from Rikku?_

_See you soon! _


End file.
